Well folk I did it, I did the one thing as a parent you don't do. I told my best friend her kid was a brat! I really didn't mean for it to come out like it did or as hateful as it did, but I had enough! Don't get me wrong I love her kids they are great very kindhearted but boy does that youngest like to test me. I feel like it is only because I am like family to him so he feels well I can talk back! Well of course that ruined the night I respectfully showed myself to the door because I knew it hurt her to hear me say that. No one wants to think their kids are brats even though we secretly know they are but that's not the point. It was not my place to call it out we have all been there, but we all know it's not our place. Of course, my friend being the amazing and kindhearted person she is forgave me for it. She knows I'm struggling on my journey with taking medications for anxiety, depression, anger, and AHAD. But I really don't feel like that is a good excuse I just got overwhelmed after this has been going on for a long time and it's always when my friend and her husband aren't there or if they aren't nearby. I feel like there's no going back after those words are spoken but she feels like it is water under the bridge, I guess we shall see what happens to a friendship of 14 years after you drop a bomb like that.

This Too Shall Pass
The life of a parent is hard but even harder when you have a teen. There was a study a friend sent me that's says, " terrible two's is just like when your kid turns twelve". Well, I am screwed my son and daughter are 10 years apart so this mean's I will be going through the same thing with both of them at the same time. That being said I have been trying really hard to spend more time with my kids and do more things to make memories. But with a one income family living and a two-income house you have to get creative. The only problem is teens are mean and don't get impressed by much. I love my son and daughter they are great kids, for everyone else. They say kids act up with the person they trust and feel the most comfortable with. Well damn how do i make them not feel comfortable with me because I could use the break. Only kidding that part makes me feel good because I never was able to be like that with my parent. This past week my son came back from his dad's full of sass and a mission to aggerate everyone, I decided maybe it would be a good idea to take off and keep my daughter home from daycare so we could all hang out. After day three of them play, fighting, hitting, crying, bounce off thing, making as much noise as humanly possible, I broke. Usually, I lose my temper and go off, but I am trying to do better. My new thing is to just hide in my closet ball my eyes out take a few deep breaths and usually by the time I get done they are back to being nice to each other. I get overwhelmed so easy anymore, between working 8 hours a day Monday through Friday coming home trying to keep the house clean which I suck at! There's also the trying to come up with what both kids will eat for dinner, baths, laundry, and so much more. I talk to my therapist about it, and she said you went in your closet because you are a good mom and didn't let them see you upset. That doesn't mean your weak, you have to let your feelings out to be able to move forward. Which I don't know about you, but I was raised in a "I will give you a reason to cry so bottle it up," family. It's so frustrating because you don't want your kids to grow up like you did but would you be who you are without the trauma growing up? I try to explain to my son what it was like for me growing up and I try to do better by him and his sister, but he just doesn't truly understand, and I know he won't till he has kids of his own. I just wish there was some way to know if our kids are going to turn out good or not. But unfortunately, there are no cheat codes to parenting just a whole lot of fighting punishing and giving them the love and affection they need. So, the whole point of this rant is to tell you if you are like me and just struggling through life right now. Don't give up, you have a roof over their head, they have food and water and have cloths to throw all over their bedroom. This may seem like it's the hardest part of your life, but you have been here before and survived. There will always be storms, but they don't last forever be that sunshine after the storm!
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