Let me set the scene, I walk into my supervisor's office and lay in the floor after showing up at 8:01, my goal is always 7 but usually when I have both kids it's between 730 and 8. I asked myself. What is it like? What is it like to wake up for yourself? A little back story I got pregnant not long into my freshman year of college. After my son was born, I spent the rest of my life working and trying to take care of my son. Every day was finding a babysitter for my shifts at work and make sure he had everything he needed breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. My son is now 14 and my life is way different but still just as crazy I wake up 2 hours before the kids, let the dogs and cats out, feed them, start my coffee, make lunches for both kids yes, I still make my son's lunch I know I don't have much longer with him before he goes off to college so I will do the little things to make sure he knows he is special and loved. I start to get myself ready and start to try to wake my daughter up. I always start an hour before my son because she is a nightmare to wake up, like I have never in my life dealt with someone who hates mornings so much! Usually takes the whole hour to get her up and moving then wake my son up finish getting ready rush to get the kids to two different school and make it to work before 730, that rarely happens, work my 8 hours alongside trying to plan out what sports practice which kid has today what we're going to do for dinner and if there's anything special like appointments I need to plan for. So back to the question, what is it like, people without kids what is it like to wake up and just have to worry about you and only you? Like I don't think I would know what to do with all that time and brain space, don't get me wrong I love my kids and the chaos of my life but wow that's a thought to be had. I will have to let you know in about 14 more years because I stupidly started completely over when my son was 10 so stay posted. 

Well folk I did it, I did the one thing as a parent you don't do. I told my best friend her kid was a brat! I really didn't mean for it to come out like it did or as hateful as it did, but I had enough! Don't get me wrong I love her kids they are great very kindhearted but boy does that youngest like to test me. I feel like it is only because I am like family to him so he feels well I can talk back! Well of course that ruined the night I respectfully showed myself to the door because I knew it hurt her to hear me say that. No one wants to think their kids are brats even though we secretly know they are but that's not the point. It was not my place to call it out we have all been there, but we all know it's not our place. Of course, my friend being the amazing and kindhearted person she is forgave me for it. She knows I'm struggling on my journey with taking medications for anxiety, depression, anger, and AHAD. But I really don't feel like that is a good excuse I just got overwhelmed after this has been going on for a long time and it's always when my friend and her husband aren't there or if they aren't nearby. I feel like there's no going back after those words are spoken but she feels like it is water under the bridge, I guess we shall see what happens to a friendship of 14 years after you drop a bomb like that.

What do you do when you spend your kid's whole life trying to make sure they don't deal with the same heart aches you did. Then you realize you were able to keep those out of his life, but you made all your own mistakes that he swears he's not repeating.